Hey everyone. Happy hump Day. It's been a relaxing week, but a problem with me trying to get my ideas across, because I have learned a few things about what has been going on in my life, and I'm reaching a point where I'm both scared but determined to live.
To begin, for starters, I found out what has been causing my weight gain to continue, and the health issues to arise. First of all, I'm going on 40, and I don't feel like I'm old. I still feel energetic, and youthful, and I think of myself as a mind of a 25 year old, maybe it's because how I think. But what I learned about my health is I'm pre-diabetic and have thyroid issues. I hate to discuss about my health on my blog, but I learned that I'm not alone, and I've struggled to lose the weight for the last two years.
I learned that I'm not alone. My problem is I love to eat and enjoy my drinks, especially the spirits like vodka, cognac, gin, rum, whiskey, and tequila. I don't drink tequila, but once in a while I enjoy a good shot of tequila. I can drink any liquor on the shelf. It's just I know I have to curb it when I'm out having a good time. I feel like I'm admitting that I'm an alcoholic, which I know in my heart I'm not. I can go a full week without alcohol, but I know I love to enjoy a good drink and a few. I hate going home fucked up and waking up hung over, but we all been there -- those who drank for enjoyment of a day/time off from work.
I learned about eating food at night. That's been the most difficult part of me losing weight. I work nights as a dealer, and even though I can carry a salad to work, along with soup, when I get home I still get hungry. It's something I work hard everyday to keep away from.
Now, there were days I've been successful, but there were other day I haven't. What I learned is that I have hypothyroidism. I don't know how to classify it, but I learned it's a disorder that affects a large number of people, especially woman in general. What I learned about the disorder, it's what's increased my appetite for food, including giving me fatigue and high cholesterol, along with the weight gain. It's been part of my life now for two years, now that I discovered it, and I hope to fix the issue while I'm still alive. I know this goes as far as diabetes and other complications to the issue.
I have to see an endocrinologist. I'm a bit scared, not what they'll give me, but probably two things: a medical bill, even though I have insurance, but I'm fine with what I got, but mainly commitment to follow the doctor's recommendation. I trust doctors, but I need to trust myself. There is one thing, even my lady understands about me, I don't like being restricted from enjoying my life and happiness, that also includes eating whatever I want and having a drink, but I know my health is a concern for me. I don't want to end up with the fate of people I know that will have to live with insulin for the rest of their lives.
I need to work out a balance. Lord knows how I feel about restricting my enjoyments, but I must come to realization in my life.
Well, enough about my health issues, for now. I know what I must do, but I also learned that I'm not alone, and the struggle is identical to everyone else. I feel your pain everyone.
Well, today, I've been very focused on my beloved e-magazine, AfterDark Online. I have contemplated whether to reinstate story submissions, but I also gave a hard thought about it because I'm heavily into writing books these day, and focusing on helping other may bring too much of a burden, where I'm sacrificing my personal life. I'm debating really hard whether to reinstate it. However, I'm picking up more influence these day by posting new releases on AfterDark Online. If you haven't seen my site, come check it out: http://afterdark-online.com/. It is my little baby I fell in love with since I started it in 2010.
In the meantime, I'm waiting on the edits to my story, Allison in Wonderland. My editor, Elicia Stoll is still working on it, and I'm hoping to get it back by summer's end, at most. I sent it out to her around mid-Spring, and I know it's a novel she needs to work on; totally different from the novellas I've worked with. While I await for her edits, I'm working on my novel series The Chronicles of Meriesa Lopez: Free & Promiscuity -- a story about a woman's desire to do whatever she chooses in her life, but her lifestyle choices grants her an opportunity to enjoy more of her sexuality when she meets an old friend of hers. It's a story, I'm so far enjoying to write, and I still anticipate this story will be very long, but hopefully enjoyable. It's going to be over 100k words. I'm so far up to 62k words; much more work has to be done.
This novel I'm writing is going to include a lot of sexual elements I've been wanting to include since 2012. There's one difference about writing what I normally write. It's the first time, where I'm utilizing gay scenes, bisexual scenes that will include male-on-male (something that I had a hard time getting over writing, because of a possible stigma to face), and transgendered scenes. We live in the 2010's, and it's time to act more modern. I want to include a story about Meriesa Lopez, in parody to a former adult film actress Meriesa Arroyo (a.k.a Miss Arroyo), but I want to do it in a respective fashion for this woman, in hopes of dedicating it to her. However, in my story, the character I'm designing for the story is not a porn star. I'm just using similar traits from the porn star; she chooses a lifestyle that would only be described as fiction.
This story is bound to be completed hopefully by the end of 2016, and in hopes to release in 2017. As for now, I have no clue when I'll be done; I'm enjoying the story.
Well, that is all for now. I will come back to give you some more on what is going on.
Have a good everyone.
- Ray S.