Love Out Of Lust Series

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Cassandre Dayne Guest Blogs for The AfterDark World: 01/25/2012

Cassandre Dayne guest blogs on the AfterDark World and she bring a wonderuful article about being obsessed with sex.


     I decided to write this piece for After Dark Online because I’ve had a series of interesting questions and comments lately. For those of you who don’t know me I write highly erotic books on everything from ménage to group sex, BDSM to sexual slavery and voyeurism to public display. I suppose some people could say I was obsessed with sex. The truth is I treat writing erotic romance as a business. Don’t get me wrong – I love writing and I pen stories in several genres but I still treat this as a business. Why do I say that? Because of course there’s more to writing and more importantly selling than simply the story. If you want to sell you have to get your name out there and that means marketing and what’s called branding. I suppose also for those who have ever read any of my blogs you know I call myself the resident wicked girl and it fits not only my writing but I expect my personality as well. BUT… there are exceptions.
    I do have friends on social media sites such as Facebook who “friend” me I suppose for two reasons – my writing and perhaps my looks. I certainly don’t think I’m the most gorgeous woman on the face of this earth but some men (and women) find me attractive. When they look at the fact I write erotic romance and see some of my blogs crossing by their home page they probably suspect I’m addicted to sex. I receive instant messages from guys and they don’t start out with “hi” or “I love your work”. Instead they start out with “are you getting enough sex” or “do you need a boy in your life” or one of my favorites “I really want you to come and live in my country”. Really? Are you kidding me?

     What I realized a long time ago is that people can indeed be addicted to sex. I’m not just talking about the proven medical condition but being over stimulated to the point they’ll engage in risky behavior. In days of old there was many a time I’d go out to a club and run into a couple engaging in some carnal activity smack in the middle of the bathroom. It was kind of funny back then you’d step over them and go about your business and head back to the dance floor. And trust me there was nothing sexier than meeting a man on the dance floor, sizzling up the heated space and perhaps going back to his room for a nightcap. Hmmm… I’ve done my share of provocative things in the past and I admit it I enjoyed. Do I think I was addicted to sex? No. Do I think I was obsessed…perhaps. Remember the days of glory holes? I’m not sure that people know what they mean and the term had a negative connotation back then. Now the act is making a come back.

     Now you can be anybody you want to be hiding behind a computer or a phone and there are many ways men and women can be titillated enough to the point they hunger for more. I enjoy writing about saucy ideas that might spice up your relationship but I find I fuel obsessions as well. Should it be of concern to me? Perhaps. I was talking with a friend recently who of course knows I’m an author and asked me if I’d either instant messaged someone and engaged in a little sexual play or perhaps texted (what they call sexting) with someone on my phone before. Well…the answer is yes and more than once.

     Here’s the odd thing – and I’m telling my age here – when AOL first came out – I loved it. Went to all the chat rooms and had a blast. Boy I could heat up a screen or the keyboard to the point I was all hot and bothered. YUMMY. But you know what happened? We weren’t smart enough back then to hide our identity completely in that we’d tell the city we lived in. When I started to get serious requests to meet then I knew I could be in trouble. Not only did I realize this but by then I’d grown bored.

     Along came Facebook and the entire arena exploded again. Now you can interact in such a way that it’s easy to adore men or women you meet. While you meet your share of creeps on Facebook you also meet brilliant and wonderful people who truly are a joy to be around and you want to get to know them more and at times lines are crossed. Have I done it? I have. For any of you who don’t think you can get emotional about seeing a picture and a message on the cold screen – you’re dead wrong. You become a part of their lives and want to know more and tell secrets. One thing leads to another and you find out things about their relationships that they might not be able to tell even their best guy pal but they’ll tell you. Women being women we console and coo and purr and all the things that we don’t even realize we’re doing.

     And then that can lead to a physical interaction and/or relationship. Some people say flirting and sexting is not only harmful to a relationship but cheating. There are two schools of thought around this but I think people are human and crave the attention of others and it’s going to happen. What if it goes a step further and you talk on the phone?

     Well, I’ve done that too and while perhaps the conversation started out for caring reasons only and friendship something else has happened and you cross the line and the conversations get very serious and then sensuous and then… I’ve had man a person tell me I have a sultry voice and should do something with it. A very good friend of mine suggested I try phone sex – as in working for a company. Yes, it’s very safe and from what I understand people can make a lot of money doing it if you keep the caller on line long enough. Hmmm… I write it and I’m sexted it – what would be so bad?

     That’s when I get the question – do you get turned on by your writing or by the sexting? The honest answer is no. I think it’s because of several reasons including I write the scenes as a business and I can write them during a hurricane, a basketball event, in the car, in my head on a walk – meaning anywhere and everywhere. Imagine if I stayed turned on all the time. WHEW…

     What I can tell you that in these days of continued sexual diseases hiding behind the phone or the internet is certainly safe…or is it? I wanted to give you some thoughts and I’ll leave you with something sexy. This is perhaps a phone conversation an operator might have.

     “Hello. Is this David?” she asked, her voice filling with a sensuous husk.

     “This…yeah…is this…”

     Purring, she inhaled deeply. “I’m Eden and I’m here to bring you every fantasy your heart desires. Would you like that?” It was easy to tell how nervous he was.

     “Yes. Very much.”

     “David, you can tell me everything you’ve ever wanted. I think I know what you like.”    
     “You do?”

     “Oh yes and I can’t wait to tell you but first you have to undress.” Chuckling, Eden breathed into the phone.


     A few minutes later David returned. “What do I do now?”

     “Tell me what you want me to do.”

     “I want you to suck me.”

     “Mmmm…I’d be delighted.”

     Can you imagine where this will go from here? I think being obsessed with sex is okay as long as you understand your limitations. Above all you have to be safe and understand that intimate relationships are a gift. I think sometimes we forget that fact. I hope you enjoyed.

Kisses   xxx




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  1. I think your last excerpt about the phone cal hit your topic very well, but I was waiting to read about glory holes like they used to be. I must be extremely addicted to sex because sometimes I get a rise with what I wrote. Maybe it's not business but I want to explore every avenue with my writing.

  2. I love to explore too and you know there is little I won't touch on but perhaps sadly I just see that part as a business. Now give me a man in front of me and well...that's different. LOL

  3. I rally enjoyed the article. Thank you for blogging on the AfterDark World