Love Out Of Lust Series

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday: Service With A Smile - 10/02/11

Working on an anthology of hotel stories called:
Service With A Smile

Here is my latest Six Sentence Snippet.


SCENE: To put it very plain and simple. Show me any woman that likes a man who wears cheap cologne, and I will show you some ocean-front property in my home state of Nevada. Get what I'm saying?

Shawna, John's supervisor, decided to hang out with him because she has a crush on him but John doesn't know it yet. They shared laughter and jokes together, when the two smelled a ranked fragrance from a well-known guest named Robbie. Robbie is a good guy, but a very naive twenty-one year old. He is celebrating his twenty-first birthday at a nightclub and he anticpated the moment of getting laid because of his fragrance. Instead of investing for a real cologne, he went over to the pharmacy and bought himself a cheap spray bottle of cologne called "Axe"

Read the Six Piece below for the dialogue. (This is a Rough Draft. Be Advised)


"John, you know I enjoy talking to you. Especially on nights when my son's spending time with his father," as she placed her hand on his shoulder, giving him a sensuous smile.

John returned a smile at her, but they were interrupted by Robbie who was leaning over the front desk with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Hey guys. What are you doing?"

"We were --" she immediately got a whiff of Robbie's cheap cologne and her nose quickly turned away from the over-musky odor. "Oh god! Robbie, what the hell are you wearing?"

"It's the Axe body-spray. You like it?" he smiled with enthusiasm.

"Yuck! I think you emptied the entire bottle on yourself," as she covered her nose with a distatesful expression.

"Damn Rob, why are you putting that on for?" John asked, shooing away the odor. "Do you actually think you'll get laid by wearing that shit?"

Robbie didn't care for the comments being made by them. He grew defensive, replying "Oh you guys don't know a real cologne. I already got a compliment from Khandi earlier, betting that chicks will be all over me tonight."

The two bursted out laughing, this time making Robbie feel very uncomfortatble. The two knew exactly what Khandi meant. Khandi was kind of person who was willing to drop her drawers for anybody; man or woman, but even she wouldn't stoop so low for someone that stunk or wore cheap cologne. It was too bad that  Robbie wasn't able to get the picture.

John responded with laughter, "Let me break it to you this way, Khandi was being sarcastic. With that toilet water you're wearing, you'll be lucky if ladies shit on you tonight."


  1. lol, very funny and enjoyable read. Loved the humour and I want to know more.

  2. hahaahahah that's a crack up!!!

  3. Alwayss hated too much cheap cologne...or too much expensive cologne either! Funny post, Ray.

  4. OMG Ray...every Sunday I look forward to your six- always makes me and this week is no exception
    LOVED it and you can keep the cheap cologne...*gag*

    Dawne P

  5. Poor much to learn. Great humor, loved the Six!


  6. LMAO!!! Ray.... this was hilarious!!! Poor guy...

    Haven't heard the expression 'cheap toilet water' in years! Blast from the past!

    Great six darlin!

  7. LMAO cheap toilet water hehe sexy clip, but wayyy over the six sentence limit.

  8. LOL so funny. I loved the last line!

  9. Poor Rob. LOL I think they need to leave him alone. Great six!